Stupid things that pop into my head, part the first

I hate it when I buy, say, a shirt and think it is the shiznet and looks great, but then a few weeks later I put it on again and look in the mirror and go, "Ugh! Why is it hugging my body in this completely unnatural and fugly way, making me look 10 pounds heavier than I actually am?"

And that's when I realize, it was not so much about the flattering of Melissa but the fattering of Melissa.

Aieee!!!

Yeah, I'm lame but this is the kind of stuff I think about sometimes all the time I can't turn it off, please help.