My sister-in-law wants to send my parents to Las Vegas for their 40th wedding anniversary this year and to divide it up three ways between her and my brother, my sister and her hubby, and me. But I can't afford my share and I had to tell them so.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. I feel like such a fucking loser.
I know that I am single income and that I make a third of what they both, as couples, make. I know that I shouldn't feel bad, that I should just give what I can afford to give. But somehow knowing this doesn't make me feel like any less of a loser. Especially when my sister rushes in afterward and tells me not to worry, they don't need any money from me. Like I am a charity case or something.
My god-damned pride, you guys. For real...
ETA: I'm calmer now...so that's good. I am just going to sleep it off.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. I feel like such a fucking loser.
I know that I am single income and that I make a third of what they both, as couples, make. I know that I shouldn't feel bad, that I should just give what I can afford to give. But somehow knowing this doesn't make me feel like any less of a loser. Especially when my sister rushes in afterward and tells me not to worry, they don't need any money from me. Like I am a charity case or something.
My god-damned pride, you guys. For real...
ETA: I'm calmer now...so that's good. I am just going to sleep it off.
no subject
Date: 2009-08-24 01:51 am (UTC)From:Don't beat on yourself too much. Give what you can give -- it'll salvage your pride and hopefully make you feel better about having contributed.
no subject
Date: 2009-08-24 03:44 am (UTC)From:I talked to my brother and he will accept whatever I can give (my sister wouldn't take any money from me) so that makes me feel a wee bit better.
Ahhh, family!
Thanks, sweetie. *hugs*