You're so Vain, You Probably Think this LJ is About You

So we drove to Austin yesterday and within a few minutes of being on the highway, a rock hit my windshield (again!) and cracked it (again!). I took it this morning to be repaired, but now my windshield looks super shitty with two repaired cracks, one on either side. *pout*

In other news, I think I am going to try meditating to help with my anxiety. Someone suggested it to me, and frankly, I really need to try something. I am just annoying the Hell out of myself with all this internal nattering and whinging and anxious dread setting up shop in the vicinity of my stomach.

Well, it's cold here but we won't get any ice or snow. I know I should be grateful, but once in a while I do like the idea of the world shutting down and taking a pause. People up north can line up to slap me now...

One more thing, because it made me laugh and laugh (I recycle these bad boys year after year after year and I am so thrilled that you can finally opt out of receiving them now):

Last night, I watched several hours of Say Yes to the Dress whilst eating baked taters. Tonight was popcorn and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Love that movie! Can't believe it's ten years old. Wow...

I was also reading an article about breaking bad habits and when I got to this:

After years of negative self-talk (“Look at how fat I am,” or “No one likes me at work because I’m not talented”), a funny thing happens, says Dr. Rankin: People tend to withdraw from social situations and intimacy. A poor or destructive self-image is also linked with depression and anxiety.

I was like, whoa! Light bulb! I actually used to be fairly social and outgoing. It's never come naturally to me, but it never felt scary either. Now I'd rather have my toenails pulled out than go to a bridal shower or a work event. I have to mentally prepare myself for going out with my friends sometimes! It seems like my negative self-talk used to be a way to motivate myself (you can do better than that!) but now it's more like, "I am totally not shocked at what a loser you turned out to be. You can't do anything right." Sometimes I congratulate myself and feel pleased with something I've done, but mostly I am beating myself down.

What. A. Bummer. Must try to, you know, not do that so much. I think it's harder as you get older, though. You tend to hem yourself in: I can't quit my job, I have a mortgage. I can't start a new career, I'm too old. Not everyone is like this, but I know for me, sometimes it's a chore just breaking through my own thoughts and self-doubts. Forget about everything outside myself. I'm exhausted just talking about it! It's a selfish form of bellybutton gazing, to be sure. But that voice sure gets loud sometimes...

I really feel like writing, but have no idea what to write. I have half a dozen stories I have started and abandoned over the past couple of years. Maybe I should pick one of those up.