You're so Vain, You Probably Think this LJ is About You

Ah, work - thank you for not disappointing me, you sucked just as you always suck.

I have bought things I am not proud of at Barnes & Noble with my gift card. Oh, yes. Including this lovely gem that retells Pride & Prejudice if Darcy had been a vampire! No, I don't know why I do this to myself. I will consider therapy in the future...

Meme, meme, meme:

Day 16 → A song that makes you cry (or nearly)

Oh, geez. What song DOESN'T make me cry? For sheer longevity (this song has been making me cry for over 20 years), I choose Depeche Mode's It Doesn't Matter. I mean, seriously. I think I spent most of my Sophmore year snork-crying to this song. Oy. Nothing takes me back faster to hopeless crushes and drawn-out break ups, and horrible teenage heartache like this song.

Honorable mention goes to Letters From Home by John Michael Montgomery (I knowwww but seriously, if you have ever had someone in harm's way like that, listen to the lyrics and you will snork-cry too!), and basically any Christmas carol that mentions Jesus, angel voices, or peace on Earth. Yeah, I tear up whenever I sing The First Noel or Come All Ye Faithful. No one wants to carol with me anymore...

Falllllll on your kneeeeeeees....

I feel like at any moment, someone is going to pop out and yell at me, "LIFE - UR DOIN IT WRONG!"

This is what I get for incessantly brooding and reading LOLCATS...

I am freakin' exhausted by the work week. Tuesday was a bad, bad day. But life goes on and all that jazz. Today was considerably better since I didn't have to go in and give a tour, fix a problem or test something, which is what I have been doing recently on my days off to the delight of my bank account and to the detriment of my peace of mind.

In cool news, the crab apple tree in my backyard is blooming like crazy with little white flowers! Also, I bought one of these AeroGardens at Target for 75% off. I also bought the herb, green bean, and salad green seeds to go with it. Hooray for teeny tiny indoor gardens! I think these are so cool; I have wanted one since I first saw it. So sci-fi and classroom projecty. I know, it's weird but I am so excited!

In real news, somewhere deep inside my brain, I have been hyperventilating constantly at the thought of picking a career/master's program/making any kind of decision really. It's always there: when I'm happy or emo. When I'm wasting time in front of the computer or when I'm just trying to keep my head above water. I've studied up on lots of different job options and plenty of different degrees. I find myself disappointed in a lot of the "online, working person's masters degrees." They seem kind of fake. Maybe that is a misconception I have, but...yeah.

So I still don't know. But I am approaching a decision (yeesh). I just really need to make the right choice because I already fucked this up once before and now I have a house and bills and JP and the kitties to think of. I can't fuck up again or it might hurt us all. Mmmm, so deliciously melodramatic and emo...

Geez, it has to be PMS, but I am seriously emo and every freakin' negative thought and emotion is THIS BIG and clawing its way out of my chest. I hate that. I usually get through it by writing or latching onto something to obsess about (THANK YOU, 24/7 weekend coverage of AI hometown visits, TWOP, etc). But damn. I just don't want to do anything. I want to lie on my bed and cry. Then sleep. A lot.

It passes. It always does. But sometimes it's hard to take.

I know I could go to my doctor and get something that would make me feel better or at least a little more even, but I think this is natural and I just have to ride it out. Glorious sadness and all that.

Okay, I'm done. My pity party is going to pub crawl somewhere else.

God, is this year over yet?!

I am not having a good month. Nothing earth-shattering or anything, just bleghhhhhhhhhhhhh.

One cool thing, though: JP has started scanning all the old pictures we found at grandma's. This one was taken around 1915, in Mexico. It is my great-grandfather, great-grandmother, and grandma. He was a police officer in Nuevo Laredo and she was...very young when they got married. Crazy, huh? I love old photos...

AI OT: I don't care what the haters say, I love little Josiah Leming (the kid from American Idol auditions who lived in his car)! Although he strikes me as the uber-sensitive type who would crumble under the slightest criticism. Emo kids FTW!

I made my earlier emo post private because it came out all wrong. I sounded bitter, like my pride had been wounded. And that wasn't it at all. It was something more than that and something I could try and explain for the next 20 years and still be misunderstood. So, eh. I'm okay now.

AND I bring you...eyeball cupcakes for the spooky potluck tomorrow:





That's right. Made by these two hands, if you can believe that. Look out! LOL...

And I'm still in shock over how fast my hair grew since June. If only I wasn't going gray, it would be so awesome! Heh.